A baby boomer for whom “roughing it” is a non-starter

We’re all about active lifestyles here at BoomerCafé … but at the same time, when author Linda Myers writes about her increasing love of creature comforts, we get it! She might live on Washington State’s Olympic Peninsula, but “roughing it” isn’t any longer in this baby boomer’s vocabulary.

I love to hit the road spontaneously. At least I used to. But after a three-day escape to Oregon, I realize I have a few more requirements than back in the day.

Writer Linda Myers

And that’s probably typical of a lot of baby boomers as get more … um … demanding.

1. Nothing in the world could make me sleep on the ground ever again. At best, I’d be attacked by mountain lions. At worst, giant spiders or banana slugs. And I’d suffer months of follow-up chiropractics.
2. Nothing in the world could make me want to know any more about gray water or black water than I already know. So I guess road trips involve motels from now on. Either that or a partner who never questions the my division of labors.
3. I can no longer choose a motel at the last moment. Does it accept AARP or AAA for discounts? Offer frequent flyer miles? Have a bed with fewer than 100,000 miles on it? Include free shampoo, conditioner, body lotion, WIFI, seriously good cable, coffee and breakfast? Are someone else’s toenail clippings caught in the carpet loops? Is there a sani-band around the toilet seat (I know it means nothing, but it makes me feel good so just shut up about it).
4. And speaking of toilets, those you find at rest stops along the highway really need to be capable of flushing. Things with tentacles should not come out of them when you open the lid. And because almost all old females have exacerbated their already weak bladders and sphincters by the addition of water pills, I really need them fairly often. So in addition to frequent stops, I need a travel partner who doesn’t point out I should never have had that third cuppa joe.
5. I have acquired a late-in-life addiction to sugar-free iced vanilla lattes mid-morning. No matter how deep into the wilderness we plan to be, I must find the nearest town at about 10:30 a.m.

Of course, I realized some while back that hiking the Pacific Crest Trail might not meet all my basic travel requirements. But after a three day “spontaneous” road trip to Oregon, I recognize matters have gotten entirely out of hand. I have become a pain in the ass even to myself. Anyone care to be my travel partner?

I didn’t think so.