Finding love when you are over 50

We like this look at life from one of BoomerCafe’s earliest contributors, Larry Lefkowitz of Bucks County, Pennsylvania. Larry is in a relationship. Is it easy? Not necessarily. Is there a road map for success? Not at all. But does a baby boomer have a body of experience to help make it work? Here’s what Larry says, After The Holidays.

Last fall I wrote for BoomerCafé about my young relationship with my significant other. I spoke of the trepidations of navigating a new relationship at our age and all of the baggage and obstacles they represent. I spoke of risk and hopes and plans. I wondered quietly how the holidays would be.

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Larry with Ms. C.

I never anticipated all that I would learn in just a few months. I think it is easy to dismiss relationships for what they mean to us as adults and what can be overlooked or taken for granted, unless we are astutely attentive. Not just to our partner, but to ourselves. This the lesson I am learning as we proceed.

It is difficult to get past the risk factor, but what I learned is that I am not feeling the risk alone; Ms. C feels it as well, just in different ways. She reacts differently and handles things differently, and, as is typical of women, she does it better. By finally learning to watch and absorb, I can see how she processes things and moves forward, albeit at a different speed and by a different route. Maybe I never learned to pay attention to this before. I am often surprised, but positively, and I am enlightened.

We navigated through the holidays together well. There were friend and family visits and gifts and food … very similar to what real people experience! We had fun. We also both came down with colds. Strangely enough, this also proved to be a good thing, of sorts, as we took turns nursing each other back to health.

Another thing mostly alien to me. I am not one to let someone do things for me. Needless to say, we spent a lot of time indoors and learned that we can cohabitat for several days.

leftkowitz_cvd_4We do not have all of our answers yet. We have not asked all of the questions. But it is still quite early and both of us are learning. It seems strange that we continue to learn how to be in a loving and caring relationship so far into the program, but maybe that is because after so many years, we know better what we don’t want than what we do want.

In any event, there is no sure recipe for success, but I feel that the effort to learn and work at this is well justified and enriching. The desire to succeed is a goal that cannot be underestimated, especially when failure has been a more familiar result. Ms. C and I are different and we do things and process things differently, but we share a curiosity and sense of humor, and those are hugely satisfying ingredients to me.

My future with Ms. C remains a bright and wonderful quest.

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2 Comments on "Finding love when you are over 50"

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Maggie
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How wonderful for you my friend. So glad you didn’t give up hope of finding love again. My eyes teared reading your article. Not sure if they were tears of joy for your happiness or sadness that someone has stolen your heart from me. In any case, I enjoyed the article and that Mars is beginning to understand Venus and vice verse! Ms C has found a smart and witty man to have fun with. Keep me posted. Fondly….M

Ria Stone
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Sweet and insightful!

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