We’re so glad to hear again from BoomerCafé’s Ranter-in-Residence, Carrier Slocomb of Maryland. He has an idea. Not necessarily a good one but hey, at this age, just having an idea is worth some points, isn’t it? His, this time, is about Weekend Warriors.
I wonder if it’d be too much to ask every Boomer reading this piece to change his or her shopping habits? Specifically your annoying habit of doing all your shopping on Saturdays. Why? Well, because there are far too many of us clogging stores every Saturday, and frankly, not all of us need to be there.
Think about it. Haven’t we just spent five days in traffic together, squeezing past each other on the sidewalks, jammed in on elevators, and crowding the same sunny spots at lunch time? Do we really need to spend Saturday together too?
Break it up! I’m begging you … Shop Evenings! It’s not like the chains and box stores aren’t stocked up then and bagging too.
Look, we’re all reasonably well-educated people. So let’s do a little math: a week’s got one-hundred-and-sixty-eight hours in it. This means we sleep fifty, eat seven, and work forty to sixty more. Some of us spend fifteen hours commuting. We amuse ourselves another twenty hours. Our devices distract us for twelve hours, and we putter about doing silly things another three or four. This leaves us no time to load the fridge, grab fresh rags off a clothes rack, scope out new patio furniture, examine drills, diss designer dresses, and drool over golf clubs. Did I leave anything out?
And yet here’s where our good sense ends because, come Saturday, we rush into town like lemmings to clog the same old aisles. Now why is that?
The worst part is is that you retired Boomers are right in there with us working Boomers, trying to jig and jag with the pack. Think I don’t see your “Happily Retired” bumper stickers on cars in spaces I should be parked in? Why aren’t you shopping some crowd-free day like Tuesday? As if you still belong! Now step back and away from the pack…
Myself, I’d like to see a national campaign weening us off Saturday shopping. We have national campaigns in the fights against obesity, smoking, drug abuse, and saving the environment. I say we name one day every week “Buy Stuff Day.” I actually don’t see myself being nominated Czar of this enlightened campaign, though I do have some really good suggestions for how to begin it.
The first step should be providing evidence that you still work for a living. If so, then you have a shot at continuing to shop on Saturdays. In order to spread things out though, another two shopping days have to be chosen. Thursday evenings work well, I’m told, and Tuesday nights could be extended.
Since more and more of us Boomers retire every year, we’ll be putting aside a very special day that we hope you’ll rush forward to support. Previously “Hump Day,” “Buy Stuff Day” will be held on Wednesdays. This day will belong to retirees, who have tons of time left on earth and not much to do.
In an effort to shift habits, stores will offer you free treats and wine tastings. There will be raffles for 60s Muscle Cars, or a year’s supply of herbs and perennials. Personally I don’t ever want to see you retirees out shopping on Saturdays … at least, that is, is until I bail and join you. And by then, I hope I don’t take some poor working stiff’s parking space; like you’d better stop doing if you know what’s good for you.