Writing a memoir to honor the memory of our late parents
One thing increasingly common to baby boomers is, if we haven’t lost our parents yet, we probably will soon. Lynn Cook Henriksen has found a profound way to remember our parents long after they’re gone. That’s why she calls herself The Story Woman and why her book is called, TellTale Souls Writing the Mother Memoir
“If you could tell just one small story that would capture your mother’s character and keep her spirit alive into the future, what would it be?”
Writer Lynn Cook Henriksen
This is the seminal question I asked people more than a decade ago after my mother died. I began what I now recognize as a spiritual journey, inspiring women and men from all walks of life to write the Mother Memoir.
I was filled with a burning desire to guide them to that tender spot deep inside themselves to locate striking memories and then to show them how they could move even the hint of fragrance, the turn of a phrase, the hum of a tune, the flash of an eye, the back of a hand, or a fragment of family ritual, temporarily eclipsed in memory, into successful and unforgettable short, true tales. The Mother Memoir has the power to move people and change awareness.
An initial shift in my awareness actually summoned my pioneering effort into this place of treasure. In company with countless daughters and sons, I witnessed with great sadness, pain, and mounting disbelief the ravages of mental deterioration as my mother’s ever creeping inability to recognize me became irrevocable. How could this be? I was with her 24/7 during her last three years; how could she not know me? A tragical shift, yes. 
A sharp-edged turn that took with it my being known by my mother while she lived, but also one that moved tragedy through inspiration to a source of satisfaction that would keep her spirit and hosts of spirits alive for years to come.
There inevitably comes a time when it is too late for each of us to ask Mom how she would describe the spirit of her mother— always a tough lesson to learn. I feel a personal loss and regret because I no longer have the luxury to elicit stories from my mother about anyone who held a significant place in her heart, those who were connected to her soul. I hope you won’t wait until it is too late to coax stories out of family members and to write your personal Mother Memoir, so future generations reading your words will catch a glimpse of your mother’s character and spirit.
Think of yourself as a TellTale Soul when you tap memory and write a story, a bio-vignette, of just a few pages—800 to 1600 words. Powerful images and unique insights will make themselves known to you when you consider deeply the memories that will be revealed as you look for the essence of your mother, or anyone significant in your life, and illuminate her or his character through a true story, as no photograph could ever do.
Category: Books
A place of treasure, this Memoir, but also and above all, a place of love! And you give us a tool to dig into this treasure, thanks so much for sharing!
I don’t know whether you’ve ever visited our Goodreads Group discussing Boomer Lit but you’ll find others who are writing memoirs that I think you’ll find fascinating: the spread of experience, the variety of sensibilities, Boomer Lit is such a rich genre! Boomer Lit also covers novels and poetry, come and take a look: http://www.goodreads.com/group/show/81261
I launched this group 6 months ago as my Boomer novel A Hook in the Sky had come out, and now the group has over 320 members and over 80 boomer books on our Group’s bookshelf. You’re welcome to upload your book there (if you haven’t already)
Thank you for your lovely thoughts on memoir, Claude. Working closely, as I’ve done for over a decade, with people from very different backgrounds is rewarding, to say the least. When their voices come together, as they do throughout “TellTale Souls Writing Mother Memoir… ,” the result is striking. I’ll check out your group soon – your invitation is appreciated!
Tell Tale Souls by Lynn Cook Henriksen provided a place and moment in my life for me to go inside my spirit to reflex on my life’s journey both as a professional female and as a human being who wanted spiritual growth. I was interviewed by Lynn for Tell Tale Souls many years ago. today I understand why sitting on her coach thinking and reflecting about my life as a child living on my grandparents farm in Canton Ms. had given me the tools that I needed to develop myself as a woman in The World Fashion but at the same time not lose my spiritual soul. It was my grandmother, Luetica who taught her children and her grandchildren to find a special place and go inside your spirit for prayer and release. I have shared Tell Tale Souls with many friends because the lives of other that Lynn writes about tells us that Life is a never ending journey but if you understand where you came from it will help you get to your next destination!!! Thank You Lynn Cook Henriksen for renewing my spirit. Miracles keep happening in my LIFE!!!’n
Your words, “A place and a moment” – “for renewing my spirit,” affirm for me why I do what I do. I love your story, your grit, your determination, your belief in yourself. What I gleaned from it most powerfully was the idea you knew you weren’t alone; you allowed many mother figures to surround you until your inner strength to create couldn’t be contained. Keep on bubbling forth, Jarvis – I know you will!
I have become a TellTale Soul thanks to Lynn Henriksen’s direction, and not only do I now have a treasure trove of stories about my (very alive, 89-year-old) mother, but I’m encouraging my mom to tell me more stories of HER mother (a saint, according to mom) and to write up some memoir stories for her that will bring those memories fresher to all of us in the family.
Henriksen’s book is wonderful – I highly recommend it.
Although I’ve never met your mother, I feel like I have a big taste of her spirit—at once, feisty and funny—through the delightful mother memoir you wrote when you became a TellTale Soul. I know you have it in you to cajole a story or two out of her, Pamela, and I hope those stories will also be shared with me, as well as being keepsakes within your family.
I became a TellTale Soul a little late in the game, just as Lynn’s book was nearing completion. I was honored by her invitation to contribute an essay, but I was also uncertain about how to proceed. I had already written about my feisty octogenarian mom once, in my recently published music memoir. Neither of us was ready for an encore
Instead, I decided to write about my husband’s mother. I am so glad I did.
My mother-in-law had just started to show signs of dementia. She had always been such a vibrant, youthful woman. Writing helped me preserve that part of her. It also strengthened me for what was to come: a painful, two year downward spiral that would end in her death, last summer. And, to my surprise, the writing brought me a revelation: a new understanding about the rocky start to our long and loving relationship.
It was healing to write. It was also healing to read aloud, at last summer’s bookstore launch party for Writing the Mother Memoir. It was such a gift to be there, as both witness and participant, along with Lynn and all those other Tell Tale Souls.
I recommend this book highly.
So nice to see comments from others who were at that lovely launch party and reading last November. (Which makes it fall, not summer. Excuse my little slip above!)
Yes, Blair, you’re right—writing the short, true stories is cathartic when understanding unfolds. I cried a little when you read your poignant memoir at Books, Inc. Your choice in capturing the character and spirit of your mother-in-law, for all time, worked on many levels, as did your down-home accordion playing at the earlier launch of “TellTale Souls.” Memories are hugged by just the right music. Thank you for being a great hugger!
I, too, was fortunate to have attended the bookstore launch party where I heard some of the authors read their stories from this fabulous book. It was both inspiring and poignant and most of all, made me think of my mother with forgiveness and gratitude.
When a how to tap memory & write memoir book, complete with heartfelt stories, inspires forgiveness and gratitude, it’s done its job! Thank you, Judith, for letting me know what it meant to you. The “Keeping Spirits Alive” event was mind blowing to me, since it was the first time I’d heard Jarvis and Blair read their stories aloud. I know their stories intimately, having woven them (and 40 other memoirs) through my book, but actually hearing them read by the writers was a profound experience.
Now, I’d like to thank the terrific Boomer Café folks (you know who you are) for giving me the opportunity to get the word out to baby boomers everywhere. You can do it! The memories are there—they simply need some nudging. The stories, you know only you can tell, are there. It’s your turn to write like never before, even if you think you can’t write, I know you will. People are depending on you to make significant memories last by capturing the character and spirit of loved ones. This is the place to start “Keeping Spirits Alive.”
I wrote my Mother Memoir “poem” quite some time ago. Before children; before becoming a mother myself. As we mature and go through the seasons of life, we begin to see our upbringing differently. Not necessarily in a “good” or “bad” way, just…well…a more understanding or appreciative way.
There is plenty of truth in the old adage: with age comes wisdom. Being well immersed in the joys and throes of parenthood; it just might be a perfect time to reflect on my mother’s character yet again…
Thank you for reminding me of my mother memoir. I’m going to pick up my copy of “Tell Tale Souls” and tap into memory for a second time. I look forward to the journey and another opportunity to spiritually connect with my mother. The process will prove to be rewarding as I will not only delve into my mother’s unique personality, but will gain valuable insight into my own soul as well.
There is just something about putting pen to paper with deliberate thought and reflection that…you’re correct…no photo could ever portray.
Thank you for your work and inspiration!
Wow! What thoughtful, heartfelt comments. Time does have a way of changing our perceptions. My book also details how to look at our mothers in alternative ways in the here and now. I’d love to see what you’ll write this time around. Please send your MOther Memoir to me, if you’re comfortable doing so.
Thank you so much taking the time to let me know how you feel.