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Everlasting Matrimony |
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by Sheryl Kurland
Margie Share this with your husband: "Don't listen to what other people say about your hair. Also, just go about your life and don't worry about losing it." I've been losing my hair for years. I use to feel like your husband, but now I go to a reputable hair stylist and get decent haircuts. Initially, when others told me how much better I look, I felt better about myself. Your husband will, too! (PS: If I were you, I would look for new friends.) Albert It sounds like your husband needs some reality testing. You need to ask him how he feels about losing his hair, and if losing his hair changes him and makes him feel old. This is probably what is causing him to "cover up" his balding situation. We often cover up our true feelings about about aging and instead "comb over" the fact. It sounds like your husband is refusing to face the facts and pretending it isn't happening. So many changes take place in the aging process that we do not particularly appreciate, but it is who we are. Check with him about how he would feel if the reverse were true and it was you who was losing your hair (developing wrinkles, etc.) and covering up and looking ridiculous (putting on wigs, extra make up, etc.). I think he'll get the message. Sarah Albert and Sarah have been married 56 years My wife and I met a lovely couple at church a few months ago and we often "double date." My wife and I have been married 20 years, and the couple has been married a few years less. We have noticed that the husband, every so often, says things that are denigrating and condescending to his wife. Outwardly, she sloughs it off. But we know his remarks must deeply hurt her feelings. I'm not one to get involved in other people's business, however, my wife and I have been mulling over having a talk with the husband. Do you think this would be appropriate? If "yes," do you feel I should speak with the husband by myself, or both my wife and I should talk to him together? Or do you think we should have a heart-to-heart talk with both of them at the same time? The other concern is that by sticking our neck out, we are risking losing their friendship, and that would be more destructive to the wife. What suggestions do you have? Nick M.Y.O.B.! (Mind Your Own Business!) If the wife "sloughs it off" then she is dealing with the problem. Your interjecting yourselves into their lives might be well intentioned on your part, but may be resented or considered interference on their part. If they have been married almost 20 years, then they have a working relationship; this may be a very minor glitch that has little or no impact on their marriage. On the other hand, perhaps you present a role-model marriage, from which they can imitate and learn. Do nothing! Enjoy the friendship for what it is, and look for a solid and long-lasting "double date" through the years. Morris Since your friendship is only a few months old, you should wait until your relationship is on solid foundation. Then, Sir, I would approach the husband only, saying "We admire both of you very much. Are you aware your wife may be hurting by speaking to her in a denigrating manner?" or your choice of similar wording. This could interfere with your friendship, but if you and yor wife are so upset by his actions, you probably would stop seeing them in the future anyway. Sonya Morris and Sonya have been married 50 years.
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My husband is 49 and obsessed with his balding hair. He swears his "comb-over" hides his bald spot. I think it's his security blanket, and it looks ridiculous. He says, "Look at Donald Trump's hairstyle. I'm in fashion. Many people have told my husband point blank that his hairdo is goofy. People laugh, stare and snicker. I seem to be the only one that gets embarrassed. Amazingly, my husband has heckled other men who do the same thing. But nothing phases him. I've told him how handomse I think he is, bald or not. Is there some way I can get him to break this ridiculous habit?