Only Skin Deep?
If we’re honest — and some are still coming to terms with that — we will admit that the fountain of youth doesn’t flow forever. Columnist Cindy LaFerle has decided to face the fact, and explains in this essay for BoomerCafé what it cost her.
As a seasoned female journalist in her early fifties, I’ve been wondering what it really means to age gracefully.
These days, the terms “anti-aging” and “age-defying” are used to market products to women who are barely out of high school. Every night on television, celebrities who aren’t a day over 35 are touting the wonders of wrinkle creams, facial peels, and under-eye serums. Even in the glossy fashion magazines and catalogs targeted to my own demographic, I rarely see images of mature women that resemble my middle-aged face or body.
I realize, of course, that fashion models are transformed by top-notch make-up artists. And I’ve seen how production editors enhance photos before their magazines are sent to press. Regardless, I get the message: Aging is shameful and to be avoided at all costs. She who looks youngest wins.
Last month, I tackled this topic in one of my weekly newspaper columns. I admitted that I plan to avoid cosmetic surgery as well as Botox.
“Women can look older and fabulous at the same time,” I announced in the column. Inspired by the latest Dove commercials — and the examples set by role models like Jamie Lee Curtis and Sally Field — I vowed that I would join the campaign for honest aging. As a woman and a writer, I promised to celebrate the beauty of graying temples and applaud the infectious charm of laugh lines.
In no way was I suggesting that middle-aged women should give up on their looks. I admitted that my own medicine cabinet contains a few anti-aging potions, including a back-up bottle of Retinol and an eye cream that promises to perform miracles. But I do believe we need to be more realistic — and less intimidated by the fashion police.
A few days after that column ran in the paper, I received many grateful notes and comments from women even younger than I am. But soon enough, my editor emailed a disturbing note of caution.
“We’re getting complaints from a couple of our advertisers who are plastic surgeons,” the editor — a woman — warned me. “With so many plastic surgeons and cosmetic salons as our advertisers, it’s really important that we cater to them. So I am asking you to stop writing against facelifts and other cosmetic procedures.” She went on to say that she encouraged me to continue to write “about the beauty of aging” and the positive aspects of middle age.” Just be sure you’re still saying that cosmetic surgery is a good option.”
It was the first time — in my 25 years as a print journalist and columnist — that I’d been told to alter or censor my editorial opinions in any way. I was angered by what the editor had written in her email -– but not at all surprised.
Though I’d learned long ago in journalism school that it’s unethical for editors to allow advertising to drive their editorial content, experience has taught me that many publications -– including most women’s magazines -– are highly influenced by advertising dollars. The editor who had scolded me was only trying to keep her community paper afloat. Or, as another writer put it, these days newspapers are on life support, and ad revenue keeps the oxygen flowing.
At 54, I feel I’m at the top of my game as a writer, and I hope to keep working as long as there are markets open to me. More than anything, I’d like to use my writing skills and years of experience to improve the quality of life for other women in midlife.
I know this will be a challenge, given that our current economic crisis is impacting all of print journalism. Colleagues at daily and weekly newspapers around the country are losing jobs right and left, and hardly a day goes by when I don’t hear of another publication that has folded down entirely. In the meantime, too many writers are reluctantly churning out “advertorials” in order to make a living from their craft.
Luckily, I was able to find a new home for my column in a well-respected daily newspaper that doesn’t ask its writers to pander to advertisers. Hopefully, I will be able to continue to write honestly about how hard it is to age with grace in a culture that worships at the temple of youth.
Cindy LaFerle’s latest book is “Writing Home.”
Click here to link with her Web site.
(Used by permission of the author.)
Category: Boomer Lifestyle
Bravo Cindy! Our fountain of youth may be trickling away and come midlife what takes its place is the fountain of truth. We know who we are and act from that deep river of hard won personal truth. We know potions in a bottle don’t define us even if we pinky pat them on our eyelids every now and then (or even nightly). As long as we stay engaged, pursue our craft, stand up to those who would silence us, that river of truth will run, course, and flow within us. It’s ours. Time can neither touch nor dissipate it. Let’s hear it for midlife’s fountain of truth.
Hi Cindy,
I like your column. I agree. We should love ourselves for who we are instead of worrying so much about wrinkles, stretch marks or a few extra pounds. And I, too, don’t like the media’s continual messages equating beauty with youth.
I also admire you for finding a new home for your column after the editor suggested you tone down the criticism of advertisers.
Well said and well done, Cindy! Someone posted a link to this article on our social network "Elderwomanspace: Women growing old with joy and zest, wit and wisdom" and there is already a swelling chorus of agreement over here.
If racism and sexism can be stamped out – and we've come a long way in the last half century on both counts – then we have it in our power to stamp out ageism as well.
You article on aging gracefully was well intended, but your youth is showing! At age 50, instead of thinking about "aging gracefully" you should be working on being ageless. It has nothing to do with appearance. Nursing homes are full of women who have chosen or allowed themselves to age gracefully. Ageless women have wrinkles, a muffin top waist and all the other uglies of the aging process, but they are healthy, strong and productive. Their lives have value not just for themselves but for others — the antithesis of aging gracefully. When you get to a place where you can finally say goodby to staying young and instead, focus on being ageless, I guarantee it's the ultimate anti-aging magic that no amount of anti-aging potion smeared on your face can produce.
Hi Cindy,
Read about this on elderwoman social network, and want to say thank you for discussing it. Ageism has got to go!
Gaea Yudron
Perhaps I should have defined "aging gracefully" as aging naturally — without surgical intervention. That's really what I meant. I am totally in favor of the "ageless" concept you mention! That said, I also think cosmetics can be enjoyable to women of all ages — we all like to look pretty — as long as we are realistic about what the products can and can't do for us.
I love the idea of joining the campaign for honest aging. Consider me a card-carrying member! And, now when I look at my laugh lines, I will regard them as infectious and charming — and smile.
I totally agree with you-and most every other comment before mine (as well as your added explanation about having "ageless" be the true goal).
My books and my philosophy are right in line with yours–and your readers it seems."Forever Cool: How to achieve Ageless, Youthful and Modern Personal Style for Women and Men" (Random House,2007) and soon on shelves "Steal This Style: Moms and Daughters Swap Wardrobe Secrets: Looks That Make Hip Classic and Classic Cool" (Random House, April 14, 2009).
These books were intended for the "silent majority" that holds naturalness in high esteem — knowing there is a better way than what the media and advertisers harp on.
My books really address the challenge of getting older– with natural, ageless style!
Please visit me at http://www.sherriemathieson.com/
Correction: http://www.sherriemathieson.com/
Thanks for trying again!
OK, 'Ageless' I can just about tolerate. But only just. It still implies that there is something bad or unnatural about ageing. Which is stupid because every living thing ages and eventually dies.
But I'm sorry, Sherrie Mathieson; plugging 'Youthful' as a goal to strive for is ageism of the very worst kind. It implies that youth is superior to old age and that as we get older we get uglier. You may have chosen that title because you know it will sell books, but in doing so you are betraying all of us who really ARE ageing naturally. 'Naturally' means wrinkles, age spots, gray hair, all the things that are part of getting old and are perceived by many (sadly)as ugly. The challenge is not to find ways to look 'forever cool'. The challenge is to change our perception. An ancient oak and a sapling are both beautiful, each in its own way. Old trees don't work at trying to look like saplings, do they?
Marian, I really like the way you said,"The challenge is to change our perception [of aging]."
That is exactly the point of my essay, and I appreciate that you understood that. These days, when mature women look fabulous and attractive, people still use the dubious expression, "She looks good — for her age." I would like to see "for her age" deleted from our vocabulary.
My real wish, as a woman who's in the Baby Boomer bracket, is to see the day when "age" is respected and admired for its own distinct beauty, in and of itself.
Anti aging is something for anyone, at any age. It take a holistic approach of diet, supplements, hormonal balance, exercise, and healthy skincare. Check out cigiforeveryoung.com