Do you know how to roll with the younger generations? Do you even have a clue? Former stand-up comedian Forrest Brakeman of La Canada, California, does. So read this carefully. Maybe twice.
We Boomers have every bit as much to offer as the Millennials or the Gen-X’s or the Gen-Y’s. Hell, we invented the world as they know it. But to bridge the generation gap, or chasm, we need to stay relevant. So here are some safety tips for dealing with the young whippersnappers.
1. Upgrade everything. Do it now.
Keep up with the latest technology. If you find yourself saying, “I like the keyboard on my Blackberry because it’s easier than typing on an iPhone,” or “I wouldn’t even begin to know how to do an app,” well, then run — don’t walk — to the nearest Apple Store, ’cause you’re about to become an Old “You Know What.”
2. Don’t dis modern culture.
“Dis” means disrespect. Avoid saying things like, “There’s no good new music,” or, “Kids today don’t know how to dress.” There is, and they do. Just like we did at that age. Try some Bruno Mars or Ed Sheeran on for size, and marvel at how the kids are dressing an awful lot like we used to. The ’60’s are cool again. Smile knowingly.
3. Exercise. No really, work out.
Use it or lose it, baby. You’ll feel younger. Nothing says old-timer like the guy who gets winded just picking up a check. Work out. Just not like you’re twenty, because you can’t run a 7-minute mile, so don’t try. You can pinch a nerve high-fiving someone. Set age-appropriate goals, and celebrate breaking those like you did when you were young and fast. The feeling is the same.
4. Keep your aches and pains to yourself.
The flip side of #3 is: resist the urge to talk about your ailments. As we get older, parts of our bodies that we didn’t even know existed will hurt. Suddenly you know the difference between degenerative and rheumatoid arthritis. You will find yourself wanting to use the term plantar fasciitis over cocktails. Don’t.
5. Go out. Actually leave the house.
Force yourself to go out, even though staying in sounds way more fun. But no, it’s not more fun; it’s just easier. However, don’t suggest 5:30 reservations. Oh, believe me, I know why you would; you can walk right in and get a seat, and that gives you time to digest before you go to bed at 9 when NCIS is over. This is the chasm. Young people don’t do easy. They don’t even leave the house until 9. So fight the pull of the couch, say yes to the young-uns, and see where it leads. You can always complain about how late you had to stay up when you go out with your old “You Know What” friends. At 5:30.
5. You can’t drink like them or you will die.
When you do go out, do not try to keep up with them. Their bodies are finely tuned machines. Their livers? Flawless. Put “spacers” between your drinks; a soda water with lime looks just like a gin and tonic. Why? It looks like you are drinking toe-to-toe with them, and you will survive the night.
And yes, I now see there were two 5’s. Well, there’s another one: get my bifocals Rx checked …