Leslie Handler of Fairless Hills, Pennsylvania, speaks for all of us baby boomers when she says, the whole idea of “an apple a day” has changed! Or is it just us?
My father was a doctor. My father was always older than me. Therefore all doctors should be older than me. They’re supposed to be older and wiser. Until recently, all my doctors have always been older than me.
Then a year ago, we moved to a new state. I had to find all new doctors. But I think the ones I found are fake doctors because they’re all younger than me. Does this mean I’m now a doctor? I’m confused. I don’t remember going to medical school. But then again, one of the new fake doctors did tell me to expect some natural memory loss.
Everyone and everything nowadays seems to be younger and smarter than I am. I have a four-month-old smart phone and a six-month-old smart TV. The phone knows 94 contact phone numbers, the time I wake up every morning, and whom I’m supposed to meet for lunch tomorrow. The TV knows what I like to watch, when I want to watch it, and what I should watch next. I think next month it will take its first steps.
Advertisers are definitely smarter than I am. Obviously, only old people watch the evening news because every commercial is trying to sell me something that gets it up, helps keep it down, or creates a steady stream.
Young people don’t need these things; that’s why they check the news online. The online advertisers try to sell them something completely different. Instead of trying to sell them something to get it up, they try to sell them Virgin Mobile. I guess it’s a device that keeps them virgins as long as they’re mobile.
The other big advertiser that markets to these young online newsies is a place called The Apple Store. These poor young kids haven’t even gone to the store yet to buy their first apple.
I think I’ll make it my new mission in life to keep this apple store in business. Otherwise, these kids won’t buy enough apples to keep the doctor away while they’re still younger than he — or she — is.