Our Ranter-In-Residence, Carrier Slocomb, is turning introspective, because this rant is about his own opportunities lost. And why? Because he didn’t listen to his mother!
Remember how easy life once was? Fed whenever you were hungry. Consoled within seconds of needing consolation. You could purge whenever you wished, diaper on/diaper off, it made no difference to you. Yes, you were adored at the age of one because, indeed, you were the family jewel.
The years bumped on from there. When you could talk, you were shown where everything was. In time, you learned to feed and console yourself, and the rest rooms were all pointed out. You sought and attained adulthood like everyone else. Eventually.
Along the way you had significant people in your life. Two come to mind: people like your mother, the first and last person who catered to your every whim. It’s important to note that you haven’t found a caterer with her skill and sense of dedication since. And then there’s your father, but do we really need to go into him?
Sometimes you look back wistfully, saying, “I’ve never been as loved as when I was small enough to be lifted and held.” This always leads to some reflective guilt, when you admit you shouldn’t have done a lot of what you did after leaving childhood. You zigged rather than zagged, married the wrong person, took that lousy job, chose the lesser city, school, or state to raise your family in? Or maybe you bought a house, car, or time-share that were ridiculously expensive. There, there … it’s okay. Let it all out, because when you do, the truth will follow. And the truth is, you should have listened to your mother!
Did you listen to your mother when she warned, “Stop watching that idiot box! Your mind will turn to mush.” You didn’t, and it has. In fact when you calculate watching TV three hours a day for fifty-five years, you’ve wasted more hours watching the idiot box than you invested in your last marriage — seven years.
And food? “You’ll blow up if you eat like that.” Did you ever consider your metabolism crashing after age 25? You eat like you did back in the day. So, in thirty years you’ve consumed 40-million empty calories and only 4-million worthy ones? Don’t look down.
“You throw it away on nothing good!” Yeah, and what about money? Did you listen to that saint even once? Sit down and do the math; you’ll find you spent over $1,000,000 on stuff you shouldn’t have bought since she and Dad gave you your first wallet at age eight. Could you use any of that now?
Or that really important sweetheart?! “You should look for your type,” she counseled, adding, “This isn’t the one.” Can you even count the times you ignored the old girl’s wisdom, all to your detriment?
Little wonder so many of us Boomers find the last quarter of our ‘life’s book” kind of hard to read? Had we only listened to our mothers, then we might have reached these years smart, beautiful, rich, and safe.