Guess what: we’re not getting any younger. Or, more attractive, according to snarky baby boomer Tina Gregoire, AKA Tina Boomerina! But Tina takes comfort, knowing that Age Levels the Playing Field.
As we women get older, our skin starts to sag, our hair starts to thin, our butts start to spread … and our minds start to dream of vacations to some far-off plastic surgeon’s office.
Well, that’s not quite true. I’m here to make your day… if you’re an older woman who never was a great beauty … because this is your time to shine, girl.
Yes, as we all know so painfully well, some women were born to be adored and to have rose petals thrown at their feet by enchanted males, hypnotized by their symmetry of face, their shapeliness of figure, and their Beautiful People status. Well girl, if you’re one of those chicks, get outta here, step aside, and go cry to your mama … we all know you were always her favorite, anyway … because the times they are a’changing, sister. And, no bitchy, self-absorbed temper tantrum is going to help you now.
It’s a new world. There’s a new girl. She is Plain Jane.
Yes, Margie, age levels the playing field for women. And as we all drift further into middle age, we all have thinning hair. We all have wrinkled jowls. We all have less than perfect bodies. We all become Whoopi Goldberg.
Okay, I realize that you Beautiful People might still be somewhat more beautiful than us Plain Janes, but as the world continues to spin around, your beauty continues to diminish, while our gold stars continue to pile up on our karmic sticker charts. And, as we all age, more and more people are beginning to notice the “Je ne sais quoi” of the “ugly girl” … that “I don’t know what” intangible quality which comes from decades of studying more than the popular girls ever studied, from working harder than the boss’s squeeze ever worked, and from being nicer than any trophy wife could ever imagine… humbly grateful for every morsel of recognition we could get.
Hey, former beauty queens just are not used to rejection like the rest of us. They haven’t learned how to look in the mirror and to thrive in spite of what they see. Nope, and that’s why pretty girls don’t stand a freaking chance in old age.
And, unlike ravishing creatures who’ve never had to do anything but their nails, plain girls have lived through decades of coping with sacrifice and surrender. We’re the ones who married those guys you wouldn’t talk to in high school, and we’re the ones who stayed married to them through ordeals that would have sent you running to the spa. And, as the old joke goes, we have great personalities.
Hey, no one expects little old ladies to be gorgeous, which is why we are not afraid to go out into the world and face those slight humiliations we’ve always faced. It’s time for the world to see just how amazing we are.