Reaching the Point Where We are “Priceless and Ageless”
We boomers tend to say “50 is the new 40” or even “60 is the new 50.” But what do you say about someone who is 98? Boomer Don Nelson has the words: “Priceless, and ageless.”
There’s a TV commercial for MasterCard that talks about the cost of various items when people spend time together, and it ends by telling us that the relationship is ‘priceless.’
I think for those of us over 50-years-old, passion for something we’re involved with is not only priceless, it’s also ‘ageless.’ This is the real eternal fountain of youth.
Let me give you an example of how a 98-year-old man who I know maintains amazing mental vitality and is my role model for the future.
I’ve been practicing psychotherapy in New York City for the past 30 years, mostly in private practice. That’s a funny word, isn’t it; “practice.” Sometimes I quip that if I practice long enough, eventually I’ll get it right. Or, like the old joke, how do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice.
For the past eight years I’ve been participating in a weekly seminar with this 98-year-old-man, who is a senior analyst. Of course for him, ‘senior’ has a double meaning. Usually it refers to experience. In this case it also means he was 90-years-old when I began working with his group.
I have been continuously amazed at this man’s mental acuity. We read articles on psychoanalysis and discuss them. Some of them, he wrote. We present vignettes from difficult cases and get clearer insights into people’s internal struggles. He has the ability to zoom in with his analytic magnifying glass and get to the key issue that’s roadblocking either the patient or the analyst.
Don Nelson
One thing that comes across powerfully every single time we meet is that this man loves what he has been doing for what seems like a thousand years. He understands the unconscious process of the human mind and loves to teach us how we can understand it. And that continually fuels and inspires my love for this most difficult and gratifying profession.
Mysteries have always interested me and there is none so complex and intriguing as the human unconscious. Our labyrinth of thoughts, emotions, and motivations keeps me interested and involved during my sessions with patients. And when a session is like that, time suspends. Until of course I utter the infamous words, “We do have to stop now.”
Someone once asked our timeless leader why he hasn’t retired. He said, “What am I going to do, play shuffleboard in Florida?” I submit, had he made that choice, he wouldn’t be alive today. He continues to write articles and make presentations at conferences and I think he’s working on yet another book.
Oh, and yes, he does walk with just a little less bounce in his step than he used to, but the mind is still priceless and ageless.
I remember a Jules Pfeiffer cartoon many years ago in the Village Voice that showed a man of boomer age range looking in the mirror and exclaiming, “But I’m only 18 years old.”
That’s a feeling I’ve had many times myself. And every Monday morning at 10 a.m., the fountain of youth is alive and well and living around the conference table at our priceless, ageless seminar leader’s Manhattan home.
Category: Baby Boomer Culture, Baby Boomers, Don Nelson
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You’re absolutely right, that passion for life (whatever your field) is the key. I remember reading the story of activist Doris Haddock (Granny D), who walked through 3,200 miles through the US in her 90th year to publicise the need for campaign finance reform.
And a couple of years ago, I was lucky enough to see the great Leonard Cohen (twice) in concert. Now he was only a relative child in his mid-70s but had lost none of his power, magnetism and energy.
I can’t picture them playing shuffleboard in Florida, either!
Hi Don,
What a wonderful article. It says as much about you as it does about this incredible man. Thank you so much.
My work these days is all about people being connected to passion and purpose. As they age, this will keep them vital and happy. All of this leads to a happier, longer life.
It is my intention to never retire, but to keep doing the things I love.
Kudos to you both,
Ann
The story of your senior analyst illustrates the absolute importance of connecting with the world around you in a way that is meaningful. To continue to contribute and be respected in a field you have spent your life and passion working in IS priceless. Thank you for this post.
What a wonderful post to read!
I had this man as a teacher, you might say, when I was a child and he was only in his 40s. My father had, even then, a zest for zeroing in on what was essential in an idea, a comparison or an argument and delighted in passing on to me both the skill and the fun of it. So many of the accolades he gets these days celebrate the fact that he continues contributing and influencing despite his great age and with all the benefit of having lived so long. That’s understandable and well-earned. But it is worth remembering that this ability was present in the younger version of the man, so if we want to be as valuable when we are my father’s age we would all do well to, as Don Nelson says so beautifully, practice.
Nicely observed, and surely true. Not only am I excited to know of the senior analyst’s acuity, but I am just a tad jealous of anyone who has the opportunity to be around such a stimulating and passionate person on a regular basis. In analyzing my own observed slippage over the years I’ve come to the conclusion that crossword puzzles, sudoku, and the like are erroneously credited with helping to keep the mind sharp. Learning a new language or musical instrument is far more stimulating. But ultimately communication skills have to be honed in meaningful give-and-take exchanges if we are to have a chance of remaining relevant.
Great article Don! My mom lived to be over 100 and she was still cognizant and alert. Her father was 97 when he died and also cognizant and alert.
There a website you might know of http://www.over90film.com/
It’s a remarkable group of men and women who are celebrating their age rather than denying it or allowing it to change their lives.
Marcia
Hi Tess, Ann, Anne, Michael, Maralyn and Marcia,
I’m very pleased that the posting motivated you to respond.
It is such a pleasure to share my experience with so many people
and hopefully help them look at what they do from possibly a
slightly different perspective.
I was particularly touched by Michael’s comment. It meant a lot
to me to hear from this man’s son.
Sincerely,
Don Nelson
What if “shuffleboard in Florida” IS your passion? I know a lot of vibrant, interesting and intelligent people who live to golf. They contributed significantly to society during 25 or more years in their careers but now are doing exactly what they worked so hard to achieve. Isn’t the affect of their pleasure and satisfaction no different than that of the individual who chooses to stay in the workplace or start another career? I admire people who reach their vision of contentment even though to some of us it may look like lethargy or apathy. I love the fact that we are in charge of defining our own goals.