Comments on: Saying Good-Bye to Our Parents

By: Joyce Zonana

Joyce Zonana — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 15:35:07 +0000

Robyn –
I just saw this comment today. Thank YOU so much for writing, and “Godspeed” to us all!
Best wishes,
Joyce

By: Robyn Maher

Robyn Maher — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 08:16:53 +0000

Dear Joyce, I loved your book Dream Homes, given to me by a mutual friend of Pam Hildebran’s. They both knew I’d love it as I’ve spent my life involved in Middle East issues and understand not quite belonging in any particular group. But that’s not why I’m writing. Your article on your mother was very meaningful to me. I have lost both my parents in the past few years and at the age of 56, I still feel like an orphan – and one who lives 10,000 miles away in Australia with family all back in the States. One of my closest friends, who lives in Chicago, has been fighting cancer for many years and she feels as your mother does. I’ve fought her and begged her to stay with me because I love her so much, but your article helped me. It is time for me to say, “Godspeed.” Thank you for your writing.

By: Joyce Zonana

Joyce Zonana — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 14:24:58 +0000

Thank you, Carol, for your comment. Yes, I think my mother feels she has accomplished her “job(s),” and now she is ready to go. My perspective, of course, is so different. It’s always a challenge to differentiate!

By: Joyce Zonana

Joyce Zonana — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 14:13:22 +0000

Thank you Mary Ann for your wisdom.
Joyce

By: Joyce Zonana

Joyce Zonana — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 14:12:25 +0000

Thanks for writing, Regis! So, I guess it’s time to share who you are with your children! I think that’s what children really want from parents, actually . . . to know and be known.
Much love,
Joyce

By: Joyce Zonana

Joyce Zonana — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 14:08:10 +0000

Emily — you ask a very interesting question. I haven’t yet. I’d like to.
Joyce

By: Joyce Zonana

Joyce Zonana — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 14:06:30 +0000

Thank you Joannie for the story about Janet Adler. That would be something I would want, and in a way I think my mother does too. Perhaps I will try to discuss that with her . . . . and, yes, being able to be “present” is the greatest of blessings. Much love, Joyce

By: Joan Levine

Joan Levine — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 06:59:05 +0000

So many parents are dying of friends and relatives….Most of them are dying of illness, heart attack. Some are continuing to live but with dementia, altzeimers. Janet Adler’s (Janet is an authentic movement therapist) mother chose to consciously end her own life by not eating and Janet stayed by her side, assisting her mother and following her wishes. It was her time to die and her daughter supported her decision. My own mother, at age 96, was adamant that she wasn’t dying and had much to live for….but needed to come to terms with the fact that she was, indeed, dying. Everyone has their style, their path. Given the distance many of us live away from children and parents, it is a blessing to be given the opportunity to be close near the end. Blessings to you and your mom on your journeys!

By: Emily

Emily — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 03:54:08 +0000

Thank you for sharing this Joyce. …Have you shared this with your mother?

By: Regis Scott

Regis Scott — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 01:45:39 +0000

I thought about my own death today, in relation to how my children would feel, so I think it’s weird I should read th is! I am only 48, but think of my own death often. I have three adult children, since I started early! The older I get, the more I realise how little they know me…or care to. They will be dying for information once I’m gone, I’m sure. But for now, should I die today, they do not know who I am. None of us know our parents, but we certainly can judge all of their actions and decisions as though we were in the sidelines and just not being asked our opinions at the time. how much we know about their quandries, yet not our own…i guess it is easier in hindsight.I hope in the end I am in the care of my beloved dog, and should be treated as she was while in my care.