Comments on: Household Sex

By: Bill Roiter

Bill Roiter — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 15:19:54 +0000

Jacqueline – On a daily basis we do the risk and reward analysis. Do we turn right on red or wait for the safer green light; order a burger rare or go for the recommended medium-well; do we tell our partner what we want or hope that he or she divines it? Fear pushes us to make the safer decision and accept the lower reward. Some of us are more risk averse and others more risk tolerant. For a fearful person to create a more rewarding life he or she may have to learn to accept a little more risk. This idea is discussed in my book ‘Beyond Work: How Accomplished Retire Successfully (Wiley, 2008).

As for ED, consider that almost 80% of men between 50 and 70 do not have diagnosable ED. That said, many men have a lower libido due to related physical and psychological issues. A guy with concerns should talk with his Doctor and possibly see a Urologist. That is if he is willing to risk feeling a little embarrassed about a legitimate medical issue. Think back to how embarrassing it was to talk about pimples when you were a teen; pretty silly.

By: Bill Roiter

Bill Roiter — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 14:53:12 +0000

Lee – A couple’s knowledge of each and their caring for each other is displayed by what they do for each other. This is as true with sex as it it with money, socializing and all the other meaningful parts of life.

By: Jacqueline Wales

Jacqueline Wales — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:46:10 +0000

Bill, it’s true that women find it pleasing when a man does household chores. Building add-ons is even better.

Think about it, women have a natural nesting instinct, so when they see their men improving the home environment, warm feelings certainly abound. The same goes for simple care and cleaning, though it depends on the lady…

As to the arousal problems that a huge number of men face. I think that fear plays a major role. Many men may be afraid of the opportunity cost inherent in the time that pleasurable sex takes.

Well, as Susan Jeffers says, “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” That’s right, I think that when men start thinking of all their responsibilities and plans, the body gets turned off in a big way.

Men with stress-related ED need to overcome the fear of wasting time. Because, let’s face it nookie with the missus is an important activity to keep marriage healthy, and it’s well worth the time.

By: Lee Hefner

Lee Hefner — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 04:32:17 +0000

Excellent point about knowing what your partner wants and then giving it to her.

In our marriage coaching practice with troubled couples, my wife and I stress a simple principle: Stop doing what drives your spouse away and do more of what attracts him/her.

By: Bill Roiter

Bill Roiter — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:47:19 +0000

Geoff – The ability to get in the mood is not a ‘yes I can’ or ‘no, I can’t choice’. Across all men there is a broad spectrum of situations between the yes and the no. As individuals we each have a place on this spectrum ranging from no desire or ability to a raging desire and ability.

Research has found that about 20% of men in their 50s and 60s have erectile dysfunction problems and the number rises to 50% in their 70s. Also, many men have a low libido, low desire, due to low testosterone, prescription meds, chronic illness, stress and a myriad of related issues.

I would say that you are at least normal and also very fortunate.

By: GEOFF

GEOFF — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 05:08:47 +0000

You wrote,”being able to get “in the mood” may not be as reliable as 20 or even 10 years ago.” I’m constantly seeing ads on TV, in magazines, and even scenes in movies implying the same sort of problem for men my age. Am I just not normal? I’m a guy in my 50s, been married more than 20 years, and my “ability to get in the mood” has absolutely never failed me. And I am in the mood a lot! Seriously, is this not normal?