I’ll Remember … Gimme a Minute

It’s not just senior citizens who suffer memory loss. Any baby boomer knows that … with fresh reminders, every time we try to remember something but it doesn’t come. Well, Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant – who wrote “Not Guilty by Reason of Menopause” – has the same problem, but unlike the rest of us, she’s got some solutions all figured out. Maybe they’ll help you … if only you can remember them long enough!

I can’t remember names. It’s a problem millions of us of a certain age share. But while we may share with one another, we wouldn’t be able to identify each other if we met on the street. Ours is a disease with no name — which is probably fitting. There are no support groups … probably because we’d spend every meeting re-introducing ourselves.

We’re not talking simple memory loss here. You could walk up to me on the street and I could tell you what you were wearing the last time we met, your phone number and your brand of deodorant (assuming you do wear one). I just couldn’t tell you your name.

Please don’t take offense. I forget everyone’s name. It’s nothing personal. On the other hand, I never forget a dog’s name. Make of that what you will.

Over the years, friends (whose names I don’t recall) have suggested techniques for dealing with this problem. One helpful person suggested that after meeting a new person, I repeat their name in every sentence during our conversation. “How do you like this weather, Carol? And what do you do for a living, Carol? Could you zip up my pants, Carol? Wait! Where are you going, Carol?”

Another friend suggested mnemonics. With this technique, you create another word that starts with the same letter and remember it along with the person’s name -– for example, “Tommy Tomato.” But why, if I can’t remember one name, would it make any sense that I could remember two? “Hi, now don’t tell me. You’re some kind of vegetable … zucchini, eggplant, squash?”

None of these helpful suggestions has ever helped me at all. So, over the years, I’ve developed a few ideas of my own to help me avoid having to remember names or at least be able to fake it convincingly. To save you from unnecessary pain and suffering, I’ve decided to share my coping strategies with you:

• When someone comes up to you with that look that says, “We’ve met before,” pretend to choke on something. If that person is a good friend, he or she will immediately begin the Heimlich maneuver and you can simply say, “Hey, thanks, I owe you one!” and no one will be the wiser. If the individual turns and flees as you stand there gasping for air, you really didn’t want to bother yourself with remembering a name anyway.

• If you think you might know the name of a person crossing the room in your direction, but you’re not sure, start a sentence with any name, like “Barb….” Chances are, that individual will break in and correct you, “No, it’s Clarence.” At which point you simply continue on, “What I was going to say, Clarence, was that Barb was just talking about you the other day.”

• Always wear very dark glasses. Explain to everyone that you’ve just had your eyes dilated. Ask people to tell you who they are. Dark glasses also prevent people from seeing the look of panic in your eyes.

• Buy monogrammed clothing for your close friends and people you really shouldn’t offend (boss, landlord, daughter-in-law…) Although this strategy may not be much help in chance meetings on the street, for planned engagements, your friends will feel compelled to wear your gifts, and at least you’ll have their initials. It has been very helpful to me in the past, like when waking up next to the man in my life and seeing his initials on his pajamas. Keeps me from confusing him with those other husbands, Whosit and Whathisname?

• Call everyone by a nickname. “Hey, Red, how’s it going?” “Skooter, it’s been so long!” Even if they notice that you use a different nickname every time, you’re covered; just tell them they’re so interesting, they deserve many nicknames.

• Join a religious cult that allows you to simply call everyone “Brother” or “Sister.” You’ll have 50/50 odds of getting it right.

• This one always works: when meeting people in any situation, simply say “My God! You look great! Have you lost weight?” This is much better than remembering their name. They’ll not only be oblivious to your inability to remember their name, they’ll probably add you to their holiday gift list.

Tags: Baby boomer memory, Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant

Category: Baby Boomers, Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant, Lifestyle