I Am Not My Breast Cancer
Every year, 200,000 women in America are diagnosed with breast cancer. Many are in the baby boomer generation. It is the second-leading cause of death in women and the most common cancer. Author Ruth Peltason’s new book, I Am Not My Breast Cancer, (published by HarperCollins) is a frank, open and loving discussion about a disease that impacts so many lives. Here is an excerpt from chapter six, “I behold myself womanly.”
“I behold myself womanly.”
What does it mean to be womanly after you’ve been diagnosed with breast cancer? How does a mastectomy, for example, change the way you think of yourself—are you still attractive to others, and more important still, how do you regard yourself?
At various times over the years, my oldest brother will tell me he thinks I’m a “hottie.”
“Me?” I reply. “At my age? Are you nuts?”
Yet it’s his way of saying that despite the surgeries and physical changes, he doesn’t think that my attractiveness is in any way diminished.
He’s a nice guy. Yet I do feel compromised, even though rationally I know this is nonsense.
I’m annoyed by advertising that defines female beauty according to breast size; I’ve felt challenged by the changes to my body; and I am adamant that my worth is greater than my parts.
What most “outsiders” don’t realize is that a mastectomy isn’t just the loss of one or two breasts; oftentimes, the surgery is part of the overall protocol, which might also include radiation, or chemotherapy, and oral medications for years. Then there are the side effects from all the treatments and procedures—hair loss, dry skin, joint pain, insufficient bone density, weight gain, mood changes. In other words, the changes are ongoing, and so is our assessment of our beauty and self.
How much, we ask ourselves over the course of this journey, do looks matter?
Asking a woman how she feels about being womanly is like asking a child how she feels about candy—a response is guaranteed. The issues that attach themselves to this topic depend in part on where you are in dealing with your illness, how old you are, and your own inner strength or personal demons.
Self-image and self-worth become worthy sparring partners in the ongoing debate about what it means to be womanly. In their comments, the women often discuss the (dis)appearance of their breasts, and they respond to and challenge cultural notions about female sexuality and beauty. However, despite their various struggles and concerns, they are unanimous that being alive is being womanly.
Being womanly (Wom”an*ly, adv. In the manner of a woman; with the grace, tenderness, or affection of a woman. adj: befitting or characteristic of a woman, especially a mature woman; “womanly virtues of gentleness and compassion” woman. An adult female person).
This is really hard to define. Everyone has to come to terms with the hand they have been dealt and I guess womanly is like beauty—it is in the eyes of the beholder and I behold myself womanly.
What it all boils down to is the only approval that is necessary in this life is yours.
It disturbs me to see magazines, TV, and other types of ads using women with large breasts in revealing clothing as the way to enhance sales of their products. What does this message send to the public?
And for those of us with children, young or old, how does this shape their value of the female body? I talk with many women with breast cancer, particularly those who have had a mastectomy (single or double), and it really seems to tick them off especially.
Women are more than voluptuous breasts.
Being womanly comes from within—I don’t feel defined by my breasts, or lack of having breasts. Feeling womanly is a state of mind most of the time, but I do recall feeling more compromised in my opinion in this area in the few years following my diagnosis, so I guess our concepts evolve over time. Time can be a great healer.
Ruth Peltason talks about her new book ...
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Filed Under: Baby Boomers • Health & Wellness • Ruth Peltason
It’s hard to be forced to redefine oneself as a woman. After breast cancer altered my physical form, thre was a need to focus on the inner self, the attitudes and attributes that are NOT physical and that give myself a sense of who I am. I was not my breasts or my breast cancer, but who I am as a woman has definitely changed since being diagnosed with breast cancer 5 years ago.
Hello
I am contacting you as a breast cancer survivor, hoping you can help make all post-mastectomy women’s lives more comfortable.
Following my own mastectomy I was completely frustrated by the total lack of comfortable, functionable clothing that fit my needs as a breast cancer survivor.
Any woman who has had a mastectomy soon realizes that all sense of fashionable comfort is gone forever.
Either you’re wearing “the prosthesis” and are physically uncomfortable or you’re not wearing “the prosthesis” and are uncomfortable with your appearance.
My name is Anja Mullins, founder and CEO of Ann Jacqueline Design. I had an idea for a simple, attractive, one-piece garment that would eliminate the need to wear a post-mastectomy prosthesis.
Today my company, Ann Jacqueline Design, has developed and is marketing an innovative prosthesis free fashion line specifically for women who have had a single or double mastectomy.
Post mastectomy women no longer need to contend with the discomfort of wearing a bulky, heavy prosthesis that shifts within the pocket of the bra.
Women may now choose to wear a lightweight, pull-over, one piece prosthesis free, fashionable garment that can be worn in any social setting.
More than 200,000 women in the U.S. are stricken with breast cancer each year and there are more than 2,000,000 breast cancer survivors in the United States alone.
My company is tailored to the specific needs of these women.
Please contact me at 619.729.4355 or visit:
http://www.annjacquelinedesign.com
Or
http://www.ajdcancer.com
For more information.
Sincerely,
Anja Mullins