Dating. UGH!!
By Cafe on Oct 19, 2006 in Baby Boomer Dating
It sure doesn’t sound like something you want to be doing at this age, right? But then again, maybe that’s because you no longer know HOW. Dee Frazier is author of Dating 101, The Second, Third or Fourth Time Around and runs TheUniversityOfDating.com. She says there are secrets to overcoming the grown-up Dating Craze –
Are you wading around in the dating pool? Are you clueless about the new rules, and bogged down with fear? Hesitating because the dating game has changed dramatically since you were in your 20s?
Sooner or later, if you truly desire a relationship, you must jump in. Make a big splash. When you decide you are ready to play the dating game, look at it as an adventure.
The grown-up dating game has never been more interesting and challenging. There are more players than ever before. Why? Because of higher divorce rates, longer life spans, and a greater tendency to never marry. This contributes to more single Americans than at any other time in our country’s history.
In fact, the U.S. Census Bureau tells us that of the 97 million Americans who are 45 or older, almost 40 percent — 36.2 million — are available singles. There is no shame in being single.
So here are five steps to cut through the confusion, eliminate the fear, and re-define your experience of dating and being single as a journey of fun. You will learn that it’s just a date, not the rest of your life.
1. Pay attention to YOU
Learn what you need, to be fulfilled as an individual. Focus on YOU! Think about how you are when you are with yourself. Self inquire! Practice extreme self-care. Get buffed up
And avoid gender bashing. If you have the state of mind that the opposite sex “did you wrong,” it will probably keep you immobilized and unable to have fun as a single person. Keep yourself from saying those things (to yourself or anyone else) and eventually you will stop thinking them. One of the worst dates I have ever had was with a person who talked non-stop about how his ex-wife “took him to the cleaners.” Don’t be him!
Also, unclutter your life. Realize that clutter on the outside represents clutter inside. It also means, get rid of the human vampires. Avoid contact with people who are energy drains.
Learn to say no. It’s the first word you learned when you were two. Use it! It’s your lifetime resource and you have the right to use it as you see fit, without comments from the peanut gallery.
Take time for YOU. Time is short for all of us. Make a decision to set aside downtime that is just for you, even if you can only start with fifteen minutes a day.
2. Learn Self-acceptance.
Get off your own back! One of the good things about getting older is that you have less to lose, and much less to learn the hard way. You won’t always do it right, but who cares?! Confidence comes with self-acceptance. No more excuses about who you are and what you have done. Say: “I am here and I am glad and proud to be who I am.”
Oh, by the way, being self-assured and self confident is very SEXY!
3. Learn to Flirt.
Effective flirting is simply a way to let people know that you noticed them and want to get to know them. Nothing more and nothing less. Keep it light and keep it fun. The most effective flirting always includes a smile and eye contact.
Flirting is a fun activity that everyone should engage in from time to time and thoroughly enjoy. When you take the fun out of flirting, it becomes a high-stress situation that has nothing to do with enjoying yourself. Keep it low pressure, just like dating. Flirting should be all fun and games.
4. Dump the excuses for not getting out.
Aren’t you sick of saying the same old thing anyway?
- I’m too busy.
- I am waiting for the right person.
- The good ones are all married.
- All men/women are jerks.
- I can’t do this to the children.
- They’re all losers.
- It’s going to be a disaster.
- I’m not ready.
- No one will like me.
- I’ve been hurt too many times before.
Get off the couch and into life. It’s not always easy, but once you try, it becomes easier. You will be amazed at what you find out there . . . yourself! Let me be the first to tell you . . . you won’t always do it right. SO WHAT!?
5. Be the date you want to have.
Be interested and interesting. Be honest about who you are. No date masks, be compassionate, and LISTEN!
Smile and keep smiling. Laugh and keep laughing. Find things that are funny and that make you laugh, like books and movies. You won’t find a happy person unless you become happy yourself.
Unless you develop a strong sense of self, the people who show up for dates will be like you. You want light? BE the light!
Commit to living each day with an open heart, and to enjoying the second half of your life. Rethink and reexamine your former beliefs, and know that you can have a joyous and fulfilling life no matter where you are in the process. And always remember:
It’s just a date, not the rest of your life.
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